On the shortest day of the year, I emerge from another shell of infirmity. While sleeping—or in the shower, I cannot recall with a high degree of certainty where the idea came from—I thought to myself, “I’m battered, broken-down, and back.” The 3 B’s! A cute tagline or catchphrase for my podcast—that I hope to resume this week.
While I could grumble about the many things I need to do on the shortest day, instead I will lean into the increasingly longer days ahead. Each day representing more time and opportunities for growth. Now is the time to expand and to do more.
In her blog post on Indian Country Today, Aliyah Chavez noted that Native Hawaiians observe the winter season as their Makahiki, or a time to reconcile, renew, and forgive. RRF! RRF! Two R’s and an F.
The intangible whispers to me that this wisdom may be of great benefit and enlightenment to me. As I typed the previous sentence, I felt my body get lighter and somehow I was lifted higher. I did not feel as heavy in my chair. When I first heard of the Makahiki season, something within me relaxed, opened, and became hungry for more.
My running dialogue with the universe, the divine, the superconsciousness, paused for a moment. Just a moment as my mind’s focus shifted to my physical response. A letting go and lifting that made my breath more nourishing. A brightening of my mind.
Perhaps my season of infirmity has been a time for me to reconcile my life history, renew my spirit, and to forgive myself and others. While catching up on the three-week backlog in my DVR, I watched several episodes of Iyanla, Fix My Life. The show revolves around healing from trauma. At some point, she was speaking to me about my various traumas, my normalizing of the abnormal, and the war and chaos that my inner critic and inner saboteur bring to my life. These things will never go away. I can shrink them, but there will be echoes and ghosts that will mingle in my spirit.
I will reflect further on reconciliation, renewal, and forgiveness during my journaling in the days the come. I believe that I need to audit my ledger. I must get my accounts in order before I attempt to remodel what is there or build something new. My foundation must be stable, sound, purposeful, and in order.
I flip through the pages, scanning for a starting point.
To be continued…