Inner peace. Hmm, I don’t know her. At least, I feel like inner peace is that bunny skirting around the dog track that is uncatchable.
Inner peace is a choice. It has to be. Living in this chaotic Information Age with democracy on the line, civility a rusting relic, and life purpose rendered a ghostly possibility, I lose track of inner peace.
My life is an exercise in being thrown off my square. Whether it is Mom’s oximeter dropping below 90, me nearly falling into my closet or running into door frames on a nauseous morning, or negotiating the disappointment of routinely falling short of overly ambitious goals that I forget to make realistic, inner peace is that small, quiet voice hiding in a dark corner.
It used to take me weeks if not a month of chaos before I considered seeking inner peace. Nowadays, I tend to get with the program in as little as 5 minutes on a good day and up to 12 hours on an utterly crappy do.
Do-do-do-do-do. You must do! I must do? Someone has to do, but on this side of the great 5-0, I know that it doesn’t always have to be me. A brotha’s tired. Exhausted, if you will.
I’m tired of being tired, although I’ve not arrived at the place of being “sick and tired of being tired,” but I’m on the train. I’ve upgraded my seat to business class and am appreciating the sights on this journey. The terrain is rocky and menacing, but I see the beauty in it now. Yes, falling down can scrape you, bruise you, or release some blood; however, the value is in the things you realize while falling down.
Hmm, I don’t know why I wasn’t paying attention.
I got lost in the sauce and stopped leading.
I fell away from my purpose.
The doubts got too loud and I forgot that there’s a mute button.
Convene the committee, man and vote the assholes down! The inner critic and the saboteur are indomitable, but they are perpetually out of order. Call the meeting to order and shut those terrible two down.
I’m in control.
I’m running this.
I have choices if I remember to stop and come to my senses.
There’s always time if you accept it and protect it.
I call this cabal of Lyde to order.